We all know a few people like this: whenever you hear from them, they're rattling off a list of complaints and ailments. No money, a horrible job, a different ache or pain every day. Life just sucks, so sit back and listen to them as they tell you how pitiful and depressing it all is. Wait for a chance to offer sympathy, or escape their grasp, whichever comes first.
I don't mean to make light of people's problems. But the fact is, we all have problems, some of us worse than others. But most of us don't wrap our lives around our misfortunes. We face them, deal with them the best we can, and dust ourselves off before moving on.
Others, however, seem to attract bad luck and then they bathe in it like it's a warm spa. Their pain becomes their identity, eventually. Whenever you think of the person, their complaints pop into your mind as well, a jarring intrusion in your otherwise pleasant day.
You can try to be a good friend and offer advice and suggestions on how to make things better, but inevitably you hear, “That won't work for me”, or “I wish I had time”, or “I'm allergic to that”. There's always a reason, an excuse, for why this person's situation can't possibly get better. And yet, despite it all, they don't really seem to be all that down and out, do they? It's as if being miserable actually makes them happy.
Unless they've lost all hope, people with real problems seek solutions and heed advice, at least some of the time. Sympathy-seekers just want an audience to broadcast to, followed by a round of understanding nods and forced smiles. They seek pity like comedians seek laughter. And nothing you say or do will make their life better, because they don't want it to be better. Deep down they like it just as it is.
Don't make the mistake of letting them drag you into their pit of gloom and doom. Listen politely if you must, then move on. They're free to feel sorry for themselves, but they aren't free to occupy your head and squash your own sense of hope and enthusiasm.
Surround yourself with positive, goal-oriented people, and let the whiners enjoy their solitude. Perhaps in the silence they can discover something better within themselves.
Then they try to one-up-you. Ie., my problems are worse than yours. Obvious sign that someone needs a life.
ReplyDeleteJoyce
http://joycelansky.blogspot.com
I want to thank you for blogging about this. I have 2 people in my life that are the master of sympathy hounds. Good thing Im good at ignoring people lol. I can block them out most of the time but I have to tell you some times they manage to get you on a bad day and then forget it, your whole day ruined and next thing you know youre looking for the nearest height to jump from just to get away from them!!! I live with these 2 people (In laws), so its not so easy to get away at times. Its EXTREMELY FRUSTRATING and I dont understand it ONE BIT. Both of them can easily fix what their ailing and wailing about but Im convinced they dont want that, they WANT to be this way and are in no way open to solutions aaarrgg!!
ReplyDeleteI agree with anonymous. People will drag you down and take great pleasue doing it. I once attended a Tony Robbins Unleash the Power Within weekend. Went back to work on cloud nine, was asked if I was having a good day by a work colleague.
ReplyDeleteI responded by saying I was having a fantastic day, and you I replied? He responded by saying "I'm not having as good a day as you are" (in a really sarcastic tone). Burst my bubble there and then.
Some people are just like toxic waste, they'll poison you, if you get too close. Anonymous I'd suggest you build a mental
safe zone, where you can shelter from your inlaws negativity.